I Just Don't Know What to Do With Myself
by Marie Beau
Summary: There's never just one new kid at Degrassi...Kingston wants a normal life, Alice wants to escape from her mistakes, and Odette just wants to move past the death of her sister.
1. I Can Learn

Author's Note: The thing that really sets Degrassi apart is that the series is unafraid to cover important social issues that need to be addressed. However, I think that although some important issues have been repeated, such as teen pregnancy, there are others that are just as important that have not been touched at all.

My solution is to have three new kids at Degrassi, each with a very different, yet unexplored issue. Each chapter will focus on one character at a time, alternating in order. My hope is that you as the reader will as the story progresses be able to guess each of their secrets, and help follow them in their process of healing.

Allow me to introduce you to Kingston, Alice, and Odette...

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><p>I Can Learn<p>

In the curious way that dogs sometimes looked like their owners, Kingston believed a person's vehicle was in direct proportion to their personality. His conversion van was suspiciously inconspicuous, always trying to blend in without ever actually succeeding. It was intriguing in the way that no one wanted to get close enough to decode its mystery. And although it had taken plenty of hits, it stayed as durable and determined as ever.

His favorite place in the world was on top of that van, staring down at the people below. It made him feel closer to God, the way a higher being looks down on its subjects, catching glimpses of their lives without ever noticing they are being watched. He caught snippets of conversation, movements, interactions, all without ever having to make eye contact with another person. It made him feel more prepared, knowing once he got down from his perch, who to befriend and who to avoid. And being the new kid on his first day of school, he needed any advantage he could possibly obtain.

"Hey!"

Kingston's moment of serenity was broken, as he felt someone knock harshly on his driver's side window. He shielded his eyes from the bright morning sun in order to look down at his intruder.

"Your piece of shit is parked in the fire lane!"

"Sorry about that ma'am." Abandoning his perch, he slid down the windshield of his van, smudging the back of his shirt with dust.

She crossed her arms and tilted her head, allowing her giant hoop earrings to slap against her cheeks almost comically. "Well you gonna move it, or just sit there?"

He flashed her what he hoped to be a winning smile, and dangled his keys near his face. "You might want to step back ma'am. I'd hate to accidentally run over your foot."

She rolled her eyes, turning to walk away. "Just move the damn vehicle!"

Of all the people Kingston chose to watch, he always liked the ones the best who called him out on it.

He pretended to check his dark, slicked-back hair in the mirror, all the while watching her as she walked away from him. More specifically, appreciating the way her jeans were too tight and the way their pockets framed her behind.

He pulled a comb from his pocket and ran it through his hair, still keeping her in the corner of his eye. She pulled a basketball player in a team jacket by the waist, pressing him to her, turning her head in both directions to make sure enough people were watching. Kingston smiled, knowing that she was not so different from him, the loner on top of his van and the girl striving for attention, both of them believing themselves to be kings in their own world.

It took a few turns of his key to get his, as she so accurately had put it, "piece of shit" running, at which point he put his stick shift in reverse. He kept his eyes on the review mirror and his foot almost completely floored on the accelerator. She stayed in his sight the entire time, as he swerved his steering wheel at the last possible moment, pulling his conversion van directly up next to her.

Half on the curb, half off, his car stayed perched at a precarious angle, casting a dark shadow over the girl and her friends. He had driven straight through the grass, leaving deep tracks in the mud left from yesterday's rain.

Unfortunately, Kingston's van had manual windows, so he stalled for a minute having to crank the driver's side one down. He secretly hoped it did not distract from his desired effect. He let one arm rest outside of the car as he smiled at her.

"I moved it!"

Before she and her friends had the chance to say anything back, he turned up his stereo for the whole parking lot to hear.

_I wish we_

_Were stuck up in a tree_

_Then we'd know_

_That it's nicer below_

_I don't know any lullabies_

_I don't know how to make you mine_

_But I can learn_

_In lonely days long ago_

_I saw lovers put on a show_

_Well now its my turn_


	2. Catch Hell Blues

Author's Note: Last chapter we met Kingston, who's attitude gave him a run-in with Bianca. I want to apologize for the brevity of these first few chapters, as I really wanted to keep the establishing of characters separate from the drama they each will face.

I also realized that I should have mentioned this story has a soundtrack by the White Stripes, each chapter being a song. I'd encourage you to give them a listen, as there was a lot of thought put into selecting these songs.

Of all of my storylines, I am perhaps most excited about Alice. So let's get it started...

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><p>Catch Hell Blues<p>

_If you go looking for hot water_

_Don't act shocked when you get burned a little bit_

_..._

_If you're getting tricky lying to yourself_

_You're gonna catch hell_

"No _freaking_ way!"

In hopes of adding emphasis to her protest, Alice attempted to throw her toast back onto her plate. Unfortunately, as she had never been very coordinated, it bounced off and onto the floor, butter-side down.

She made no move to pick it up off the ground, imagining the butter seeping into her mother's carpet, both satisfied with its dramatic effect, and now secretly hungry. However, she was too proud to make herself another slice, as it would force her to admit that the buttered carpet had not been her original intention.

"I am not taking a police escort to school! It's two blocks away!" She stomped a petulant stiletto into the carpet.

Her mother placed a new piece of bread into the toaster, leaving Alice simultaneously irritated and grateful. "It will help your court case."

She hated fighting with her mother. It made her feel like a baby doll, the way her clothes suddenly became too tight and itchy; the way she felt helpless, wanting to reason with her mother, but only being able to scream.

"Nobody wants to be associated with the cops Mom! I'll be written off before I even step inside!"

Her mother cut into the butter with a bit more force then necessary, causing the knife to leave lacerations on the laminate countertop. Alice knew she would blame her for it later. "You're here for your safety. Not so you can have fun and run away from your problems. You have to do this."

"I don't _have_ to do anything!"

Her mother's eyes snapped up to meet her daughter's. Alice was convinced that had she stared at the toaster with that look, it would have spontaneously combusted.

"You gave up your ability to make your own decisions when you proved yourself incapable of making wise choices. So yes, Alice, you do have to do this."

And then, somehow, ironically, the toaster caught on fire.

She couldn't help but stare at the flames, jealously watching them devour her toast. She thought about how easy it would be, just to stand there in her kitchen and let those flames lap at her skin. Her problems would be gone, and she would get to make one last decision of her own.

But inside, Alice knew she didn't have the courage to die. She didn't really want to stop living. She just wanted a life better than the one she had. So she let her mother drag her out of their house and across the lawn to the neighbors.

"Good morning, I'm so sorry to bother you, but our kitchen is on fire. Would it be possible for us to use your phone?"

She admired her mother's ability to keep her class in such situations. As her mother disappeared inside, Alice took a seat on the front porch, craning her neck to see inside her kitchen window. She imagined herself inside a blazing inferno. The grim reaper came from inside the fridge.

"Did you want to come inside?"

Alice turned to see a girl about her age standing in the doorway. "Not really."

"No seriously. You should come in." Her brother stepped from around the other side of the door, opening it wider.

"OK." In an act of blazing gracefulness, Alice stood up, catching the heel of her shoe in a crack, and tripped forward into her neighbor's house. The sister smirked.

"Do you know what caused the fire?" he asked her.

"Well we were using the toaster and all of a sudden, it just _whooosh_!" Alice gestured her hands, indicating an explosion.

"Toast?" the girl scoffed. "Bunch of geniuses."

"Ali!"

"What?" She rolled her eyes, heading back into the living room, leaving Alice alone to have an uncomfortable conversation with what was sure to be full of awkward pauses with her brother.

"Well, this has to be the most interesting way to meet the new neighbors."

"Hopefully the damage isn't too bad and you don't have to move again."

"If I do, maybe I'll just bring over a lasagna. It seems a little less hostile."

He laughed. "I always wanted to live next door to arsonists."

She extended her hand "I'm Alice."

"Sav." He smiled, shaking her hand. "Alice the Arsonist." He mused "It's got good alliteration."

...insert promised awkward pause here...

"Sav, do you have any food? Because my breakfast got incinerated."


	3. I'm Slowly Turning Into You

Author's Note: Last chapter Alice clashed with her mother, and met her neighbors Sav and Ali. It is now time for the entrance of the third and final original character, Odette...

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><p>I'm Slowly Turning Into You<p>

_Yesterday it hit me that I do all the little things that you do_

_Except the same little things that you do are annoying_

In one of the pamphlets Odette had read at the hospital, it had said that amputees often had "phantom limbs," the sensation that the missing appendage was still connected and moving with the rest of the body. However, the phantom limb was never entirely like the original, as patients would complain that they were aware of its presence only when it was causing them pain, or when they forgot and attempted to reach out and grab what wasn't there.

For Odette, losing her twin sister was a giant phantom limb. She still heard her voice, saw glimpses of things that reminded her of Julia out of the corner of her eye. And feeling her presence so often, Odette almost forgot she was dead.

She would find herself talking out loud to her sister, as if she were still there. And sometimes, she thought she would hear her answer. But when she would turn and find herself alone in the room, she would burst into heaving sobs.

Like a phantom limb, Julia only seemed to appear to Odette in times of doubt. The Julia that came to visit her in the afterlife was the Julia who picked Odette apart. The biting sarcasm, the taunting, the backhanded comments..the Julia that appeared only when they were fighting over something important. It was the Julia that Odette hated, but to her, it was better than not having a Julia at all.

Today, Julia was bugging her sister more than normal.

_This is not a good idea 'Detta. Tell him its not a good idea!_

Sometimes, as awful as her sister could be, Odette knew she was right. It was easier to blame the manifestations of her doubts on her dead sister than to admit she was thinking the same exact thing. Julia also seemed less malicious when she used her sister's pet name. In better times, whenever her sister had started a sentence with "Detta," it usually ended with Odette lending her twenty dollars.

_Fine. I'll do it. _

If anyone had passed by, they would have assumed from the look on her face that Odette had a serious beef with the shrubbery. "Are you sure this is a good idea Bullfrog?"

He slapped a giant, meaty hand across her back, causing her to lurch forward slightly. "C'mon. Odette, darlin' we've been talking about this for months. There's no backing out now!"

She felt stupid for giving in to her sister's imaginary pleas when she knew he spoke the truth. They had been talking about this for months, that as soon as she was well enough to leave the hospital she would move in with her new foster parents. She didn't have anywhere else to go, especially after her own parents decided they couldn't handle her anymore.

"I know. I'm just scared as hell about Eli." Sure, he had visited her enough times in the hospital for her to know they were still friends, they had always been friends, even before Julia had ever come into the picture, but his parents were expecting her to offer some sort of "group healing in the home" program. Like they could be forced to get over Julia together. And if there was one thing she knew about Eli, was that he didn't need to be forced to confront his problems. He internalized them enough.

"Odette, you know damn well that we don't swear in this house. Now that you're part of the family you gotta abide by the rules."

Her sister started up again in her head. _He's such a hypocrite! Call him a hypocrite!_

_No Julia! _

_Ugh! Come on 'Detta! Do it!_

_No!_

_You were always too afraid to do what you really wanted!_

Odette sighed, only half-giving in to her sister, just to make her shut up. "Hell is more like a destination Bullfrog. You wouldn't get on me for saying 'Florida' now would you?"

"Well Satan doesn't reside in Florida."

"How would you know! You're not even religious!"

He turned to her and let out a deep chuckle. "I missed that sense of humor. You and Julia were always so funny without trying."

"Yeah..." Sometimes, because she only ever appeared to Odette as angry, she forgot how wonderful her sister had been.

Bullfrog put his hand against her back again, pushing her forward gently. "Stop stalling. You have to go inside eventually."

"Eventually, yes. But 'eventually' and 'now' are two entirely diff..." She stopped mid-sentence as the door to her new home opened from the inside. One look from him sent Odette running into his arms. They said nothing, holding each other tightly, as if the sum of their broken parts could bring back a whole.

Someone broke the silence. Herself, Eli, or Julia...she wasn't sure. But she knew she heard someone say it.

"I missed you."

_Then something else came to mind_

_That was the mirror_

_It made everything clearer_

_That you're more beautiful compelling and stronger_

_It didn't take much longer_

_Just for me to realize I love all the little things_

_And the beauty that they're gonna bring_

_I dig your little laugh and I'm lovin' your quick wit_

_I even love when you're faking it_

_And it might sound a little strange for me to say to you_

_But I'm proud to be you._


	4. Offend In Every Way

Author's Note: Now that all three characters have been introduced, it's time to really get down to the story aspect of things. Of all of the story arcs, it seems that Kingston's "secret" will be held out the longest, meaning that his first few appearances are going to be more establishing hints, but also a chance for me to have a little fun. I hope you enjoy the lighter notes this chapter has to offer.

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><p>Offend In Every Way<p>

_I'm coming through the door_

_But they're expecting more_

_Of an interesting man_

_Sometimes I think I can_

_But how much can I fake_

_I'll speak until I break_

_With every word I say_

_Offend in every way_

"Dude, new kid. You smell _rank._"

Kingston rolled his eyes, opening his gym locker for the first time. Ignoring his own apparent stench, he inhaled the inside of his new territory. It smelled a little like cigarettes, and a lot like someone had tried to cover it up with Old Spice. He threw his gym bag in the locker anyway, liking the idea that the smoke smell would add to his "stay away from me" reputation.

He turned to the short bald kid next to him. "Do people still use the word rank?"

"Don't know, bro. Guess Owen still does."

"Lovely." He extended a hand, "I'm Kingston. Coach Armstrong recruited me off my last meet at Cranbrook. And well, to be honest, this school has better scholarship opportunities for student athletes."

"Dave." He smiled, "I was at that meet. You were good."

"Yeah I know." Kingston joked, putting both hands behind his head.

"Woah! Arms down!" Dave grimaced "Seriously though, bro. You do kinda smell."

Kingston pulled his shirt off over his head, tossing it in the locker. "Didn't shower this morning. No point when I'm just gonna go jump in a pool anyway."

"There's a point when you show up here smelling like cat piss!" Owen yelled from across the locker room.

"Cat piss? The vocabulary keeps getting better." Kingston turned to Dave, an expression of mock ponderance upon his face, his hand stroking his chin. "Dave, how do you think Owen knows what 'cat piss' smells like so well? Do you think he gets peed on by cats a lot?"

Dave attempted to hide his laugh behind a cough, ducking his head into his locker.

Something about Owen's sheer size made it seem like he was able to cross large expanses of spaces faster than it would be for a normal person to traverse the same distance. "You better watch it new kid...what _is_ that?"

He stopped mid-threat to pull a small ball of fabric out of Kingston's right hand. Something in the back of his smart-aleck mind wondered if the same technique would work with small shiny objects.

"A speedo."

"You are not seriously wearing _that_. It's the gayest thing I've ever seen!"

"That was the team uniform at Cranbrook."

"What kind of sick school did you go to before here?"

"I bet I still beat you with the speedo." Kingston turned away from Owen, walking towards the urinals. Something about his encounter with his new teammate made him really have to pee.

Owen waited until Kingston was fully preoccupied. "I bet you don't." He pulled a large container of IcyHot out from his own locker, adding it generously to the inside of his new rival's speedo.

He had just managed to screw the top on the container as Coach Armstrong opened the locker room door. "I want you all out of here now. Dave, Owen, Drew, and Kingston, I'm gonna have you swim the relay first."

He was the last one out of the locker room, snapping his speedo into place. He loved being the last leg; the pressure always helped him perform better. Relays were one of the few times he actually liked being around others. Kingston detested the idea of being required to depend on someone else. But being the last leg, he had the most important role anyway. It was one of the few times in life, other people had to depend on him.

"Don't jump in." Dave mumbled to him from atop the block.

Kingston closed his eyes, stretching his forearms. "Don't interrupt me. I'm in the zone."

The whistle blew, and for Kingston, everything stopped. Nothing else mattered as his heart made its way into his throat, and he could feel the blood pump in his ears. His muscles remained flexed, ready to jump. He could see it, just out of the corner of his eyes as Drew's fingertips grazed the side of the pool. There was that brief moment where Kingston almost floated in the air, wishing he could stay there forever and never come down. And then he hit the water.

It _burned._ Like the time he had sat down on a fire ant hill when he was seven and had received hundreds of tiny bug bites on his rear end and had been unable to sit for a week. All he could focus on was the pain, the way he wanted to scream but couldn't. He knew this had something to do with Owen, but he wouldn't stop swimming. He wouldn't give him the satisfaction. The pain was like a jet engine propelling him forward, pushing him to the edge of the pool.

His hand felt the side cool tile indicating the end of his run, and he pulled his head from the water, screaming up at the ceiling. "Son of a bitch!"

He could just barely hear the voice of Coach Armstrong as he slammed the door to the locker room shut, tearing his speedo off. "Kingston! You just beat the school record!"

He waddled his way to his first period class, hoping as much as possible that he looked like a cowboy, and not like someone who felt as if their penis was going to fall off. Wincing only slightly, he managed to sit down at a desk, laying his head in the crook of his elbow. Peace at last...

He felt a gentle tap on his shoulder.

"Whaaaat?" He whined

"I'm Holly J, Vice President. Coach Armstrong wants me to interview you for the video news since you broke the school record. Normally we'd have Chantay do it, but she's running late this morning."

"Can it wait?"

"Well, we have about ten minutes before class starts. And you are not the only thing on my schedule." She sighed irritatedly "Coach Armstrong always assumes his sports stars take precedence over my normal duties. So lets get this over with and we can both move on to clearly more important matters."

She switched the camera on, zooming in on his face. He looked around, noticing it was only the two of them in the classroom. "I don't really feel comfortable with all this ma'am."

"Why not? It'd be a good way to start off school here."

"Well, to be honest, I didn't do it entirely on my own."

She crossed her arms, clearly peeved that her time was being wasted. "What do you mean?"

"Well, Owen, uncultured bugger that he is, put IcyHot in my speedo. And I'm pretty sure since you can't even take a decongestant at the Olympics without it being considered 'performance enhancing,' my achievement is not entirely legitimate."

She laughed, taking the desk next to him. "I'm sure you're just fine."

"Good thing IcyHot doesn't damage your junk the way steroids do."

He liked the way her face blushed almost the same color as her hair. He pointed at her "Are you thinking about my junk?"

She looked at him disgusted. "No! And would you please call it something else?"

"Fine. My _inguinal_ region."

Her look softened only in the slightest. "You took anatomy?"

"Sadly, that's about the only question I got right."

"Makes sense."

She was making fun of him now! Kingston smiled. Finally, a girl who could take a hit and dish it back out. "I guess one interview couldn't hurt."


	5. There's No Home For You Here

Author's Note: To be honest, its concerning to me that I have five chapters, and only two people have left reviews. I really value your thoughts, so if you have any comments at all, please write me some feedback! I can only become a better writer and a better storyteller with your input.

Something I realize that needs to be addressed is the passage of time in this story. Things that happen to Kingston always happen first on a timeline, then Alice, then Odette. The time between each of these events, however, will vary. Obviously the first three chapters happened all around the same time on the same morning. Kingston's second chapter took place later that morning. Yet Alice's second chapter occurs about a week later. Though this may seem complicated, each chapter will give some sort of indication to the reader as to how much time as passed.

Last time, Kingston made some new friends, and learned just how hot IcyHot can get. I hope everyone enjoyed the fun, as Alice is back with the drama...

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><p>There's No Home For You Here<p>

Alice had always had this vision of an tiny mouth attached to her stomach. When she was hungry, she imagined its miniature teeth nibbled on her other adjacent organs. When her stomach dropped, it swallowed deeply. And sometimes when the world felt like too much and she couldn't let it out, she thought in the back of her mind that her tiny stomach-mouth screamed.

"_Stop calling! Stop calling! I don't want to talk any more!..."_

The sound of her ringtone sent her stomach-mouth off like a banshee. She never wanted to answer it anymore, not knowing who was on the other end. Cops, Lawyers, Prosecutors... it never mattered because the news was never good.

"You gonna answer that?" Asked Ali from the back of Sav's SUV.

"Nope." She made a rather elaborate show from the passenger's seat to dance to the entire ringtone until it stopped. She wasn't going to let on that her stomach-mouth was ripping her apart from the inside.

Somehow, Alice had managed to convince her mother that riding into school with the Bhandaris was more detrimental to her emotional well-being than the trip would have been with Officer Anderson. Truth was, Alice knew her mother considered after a brief twenty minutes in her presence that Ali Bhandari was the greatest human irritant yet discovered. Which was, of course, hilarious in Alice's opinion, as she and her new neighbor, were complete kindred spirits. They were even wearing each other's shoes that day.

She still hadn't told Ali anything. But she knew, when the time was right, that she would understand. _Boys._ She could literally boil down every low point in her life to boys.

"Have you picked a song yet for our music assignment?" Sav switched on his turn signal

"No." She had been attending her new school for just about a week, and already her teacher had given her an assignment asking her to bare her soul musically. Alice was obviously enthusiastic about the whole ordeal. Alice also really liked sarcasm.

He sighed, obviously disappointed. "Me either."

"What about the Friday song?"

"Ali! How am I supposed to show 'true emotion' when the only lyrics I have to work with are 'Friday! Friday! Gotta get down on Friday!'?"

"You forgot the 'Fun Fun Fun.'" added Sav

"You're right!" Alice threw her hands on either side of her face in mock distress, leaving her with the resemblance of the Home Alone aftershave scene. "How could I forget the fun?" She threw her head back to laugh at her own joke, shaking her heavy blonde bangs out of her eyes.

They turned into the school parking lot. "Well, if you wanted, we could work on it together. You know, like bounce ideas of each other."

"Ouch! What Ali?" She jumped out of her seat to turn around, obviously missing the point that her friend's poke was an attempt at subtlety.

"Say yes." Ali mouthed, before exploding into a spasm of fake coughs.

"Is she choking?" Sav asked, concerned.

"Naw, she's fine. Sure I'll work on the project with you."

Ali's coughs stopped on cue.

"Great!" He pulled the key out of the ignition "Well I have a few Presidential things to get done. But otherwise we could do it this morning?"

"Sounds good." As soon as he had exited the car, Alice turned on her friend. "What the hell was all of that?" she hissed.

"Sav _likes_ you."

"He does not!" As per her usual stubborn self, Alice denied what she knew to be true. As much as she secretly liked him back, she wouldn't be caught admitting it. Dating was too dangerous.

"Please! He's like a musical prodigy and he's asking you for help."

"Maybe because he knew you wouldn't be helpful Miss Rebecca Black!" She hated having to insult her only friend, but she knew it was the only way to keep Ali from prying...and to keep Alice from having to reveal more than she wanted.

Ali jumped out of the car. "Whatever. You coming?"

"In a minute. Gotta check who called earlier."

"If you're using that as an excuse to cross-examine Sav's glove box, I promise you there is nothing interesting in there."

"Goodbye Ali!"

"Fine! I got the hint!" She slammed the door shot, leaving her friend alone.

Alice sat forward, leaning her elbows against the front console housing the passenger airbag. She looked up from her phone at the parking lot in front of her.

For the first time ever, her stomach didn't scream. It was like her world smacked her so fast and cut her so deeply, even the deepest recesses of her body couldn't respond. She could hear her heartbeat like a full highschool drumline was performing inside the SUV. Her stomach disintegrated completely, its acids happily eating away at her insides.

She jabbed at the buttons on her phone, feeling like an eternity before it chose to connect. In a not so distant future, once her own body was once again able to function normally, she would be grateful that her mother had forced her to plug Officer Anderson's personal number into her phone.

"It's Alice. He's here. In the parking lot."

Her mother's tight leash proved useful when Officer Anderson came running out from inside the school. Alice suddenly felt stupid for complaining that he didn't need to be on campus with her.

Her mind was still in autopilot when she leapt from the car as soon as he was handcuffed. Wishing she hadn't chosen to wear Ali's unfamiliar wedges, she ran clumsily towards the door of the school, ripped open the door, and slid inside. She could hear him yelling at her the entire way.

"You can't hide Alice. It doesn't matter what you do. Sooner or later, they'll see you for the bitch you really are! They won't want you either!"

As it was still early, there were luckily very few student around to walked like a zombie to the music classroom, where she sat defeatedly on the cold linoleum floor. Her body felt numb. Like she was completely uncapable of feeling any emotion. She had no desire to ever open her mouth again. She sat there without the need to blink, her eyes unfocused as she barely sensed that the world moved around her.

"Alice the Arsonist! You ready?" She looked up at Sav standing over her. "Are you OK?"

"Yeah. I just...thought of the song I want to sing."

"Awesome! Lets hear it!"

She stood up weakly, looking straight into his eyes, holding onto the microphone stand for support.

_There's no home for you here girl, go away_

_There's no home for you here_

_I'd like to think that all of this constant interaction_

_Is just the kind of make you drive yourself away_

_Each simple gesture done by me is counteracted_

_And leaves me standing here with nothing else to say_

_Completely baffled by a backward indication_

_That an inspired word will come across your tongue_

_Hands moving upward to propel the situation_

_Have simply halted_

_And now the conversation's done_

_There's no home for you here girl, go away_

_There's no home for you here_

_I'm only waiting for the proper time to tell you_

_That it's impossible to get along with you_

_It's hard to look you in the face when we are talking_

_So it helps to have a mirror in the room_

_I've not been really looking forward to the performance_

_But there's my cue and there's a question on your face_

_Fortunately I have come across an answer_

_Which is go away_

_And do not leave a trace_

_There's no home for you here girl, go away_

_There's no home for you here_

_Waking up for breakfast_

_Burning matches_

_Talking quickly_

_Breaking baubles_

_Throwing garbage_

_Drinking soda_

_Looking happy_

_Taking pictures_

_So completely stupid_

_Just go away_

]


	6. The Same Boy You've Always Known

Author's Note: Last chapter Alice had a run-in with a man from her past. From what you may or may not know about the legal system, you can be arrested for violating a restraining order, which is what happened in this story. To find out who this man is and why Alice has a restraining order against him, you'll have to keep reading.

In this chapter, Odette's secret will be revealed, yet it is only the beginning of her drama.

If you have any predictions on any of the characters and their story arcs, I'd be really interested to hear them!

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><p>The Same Boy You've Always Known<p>

_Think of what the past did_

_It could've lasted_

_So put it in your basket_

_I hope you know a strong man_

_Who can lend you a hand_

_Lowering my casket_

It was a dangerous game Odette played at, watching them silently from behind the bushes, waiting for her moment to strike. The two boys, she watched their every move, switching between her real vision and her lenses. They looked so different behind glass rather than in real life. Rare specimens ready to be captured for all eternity.

Her eyes focused in on one. She watched him chew his lip in concentration, completely oblivious that she watched him intently just feet away. For just an instant she shared with him that moment, his silent intensity. She wanted to be with him in that brief second of time forever, to feel how he felt. To always know that sometimes through all the hate and anger and depression that sometimes he felt at peace. It was in that, that Odette knew he was capable of being healed and of moving on.

She held her hand up to the trigger to capture that peace, and pushed down. There was a bright flash of light, and her target jumped up from the bench to look at her accusatorially.

"Odette!"

_You left the flash on you idiot!_

Feeling the scold of her sister, Odette hung her head in disappointment, and went to join the boys at their picnic table. She knew she had missed the shot, and it was hard to gauge if Eli would ever show vulnerability like that again when she had her camera around.

"Friggin' paparazzi." Eli mumbled, going back to his book.

"Adam doesn't mind, do you Adam?" She turned to the other boy at the table, who was hiding his laughter poorly from behind his comic book.

"Nope."

"Great! Smile!" She pointed her camera up at his beaming face, knowing Julia would be smiling at how the second use of her flash would irritate Eli further.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his eyebrow twitch. Her sister's laugh echoed in her mind.

_Do it again 'Detta!_

_No Julia, he's already irritated enough with me. _

_It'll be funny! _

Julia had always loved to irritate Eli. It was her way of knowing that she mattered to him. She always used to tell Odette "If I wasn't important, he wouldn't get mad. He'd just ignore me." And as much as it made sense, it was how Odette had always known her sister needed help. Her mindset wasn't healthy. Love couldn't be equated to a frequency of fighting.

Odette knew that Julia would never be mad at Eli for the night she died. By fighting with her, he had proved that up until the very last second of her life she knew he loved her. And if Julia wasn't mad, Odette couldn't be either. Though she would never say it aloud, Odette believed Julia was the most guilty for her own death.

They were sick kids, the three of them. And it terrified her the way Eli's parents expected her twisted mind to save the both of them. But she had to try.

"Eli, would you please think about coming to group tonight?" She knew the answer before she finished talking, but she was too stubborn to give up and take his previous "no"s as an indication.

He didn't even look at her as he slung his bag over his shoulder. "I'm going to finish this book in the library."

_He needs your help! Follow him!_

_And say what Julia?_

_Anything! Say anything! Pick a fight with him. Hit him. Anything so he can't ignore you! _

Following Julia's direction had always been the easier way to get through life, even in the wake of her death. When Odette did what her sister told her, it shut her up. It kept the peace that she craved. But being obedient was turning her into her sad, sick sister. Picking fights with Eli just so he would remember who she was and why she was there. Odette's parents had given her away, they didn't want daughters anymore. She and Eli were the only people in this world capable of keeping Julia's memory alive. And Odette was afraid if she let him out of her sight for too long, he would forget her. There would be no evidence that she had ever had a twin.

Twins. They had never been alike. Julia had always died her hair darker, and Odette had always died hers lighter. Julia liked when the lead singer of a band screamed, and Odette liked when they enunciated. Julia wanted leather and Odette wanted lace. The only thing they had ever had in common was Eli. They had both loved him.

It tore Odette apart inside, knowing he would always be out of reach. He had chosen Julia, both in life and in death. She wanted to make him smile. She wanted to heal him. She wanted to cultivate a love for each other out of the pain they felt for Julia. And that was how Odette knew that she was sick too. That she needed help so she wouldn't end up dead like Julia.

"Adam?"

"Yeah?" Eli's friend looked up from the pages of _Hellboy _at her. A beautiful story about the humanity in beasts. Odette had only found a few comics she had liked out of Eli's tremendous hoard, but she remembered the story had resonated with her. That there is love and hope out there for everyone.

"Would you want to maybe come to group therapy with me tonight? It might help Eli to see there's nothing wrong with it if he knows both his friends are behind the idea."

"Um...yeah. OK. For Eli."

They both knew Eli wouldn't actually come. Odette had asked Adam because she needed someone else to understand. She wasn't sure why he had agreed.

"Thanks Adam."

They sat at therapy that night with a empty plastic chair between them. They kept their lie alive together, pretending Eli was just running late and going to arrive any second.

"Odette, who did you bring with you tonight?"

"My friend." She wasn't sure if he was OK with her calling him that, but she couldn't think of anything else. They'd known each other two weeks. She wondered if you could really tell if someone was a friend in two weeks time. She tried to think back to when she had met Eli and realized he was her friend.

"Adam." He interjected.

"Welcome." The group leader turned back to Odette. "And how has Julia been since we saw you last?"

"Noisy." She smiled weakly up at the group. Adam sat there, completely lost, as they talked about Julia as if she were still alive. "Her demands have been less hostile though since I moved in."

"That's good. Adam, is this the first time you're being introduced to Julia?"

Twelve sets of eyes turned to stare at him. He swallowed. "No, I know about Julia."

"Actually that's not quite true." She hoped this was the right decision. But if Eli had chosen only one person to let into his life, Odette could trust him too. She reached out for his hand, squeezing it gently, though she could not bring her eyes to look at him.

"Adam...I'm schizophrenic. And that means sometimes I hear things and see things that aren't real, but my brian thinks they are. And since Julia's death, in order to cope with it, my brain is convinced that she's still alive. After she died I spent a while in a psychiatric ward learning to get better control over her" She gestured her hand to the snack table. "She's over there right now eating all the peanut butter cookies."

He looked at her earnestly, not entirely sure what to say. "I could go steal a cookie for you if you really wanted one."

Tears welled up in her eyes as she began to laugh uncontrollably, reaching forward to hug him. It really hadn't been that funny, but it was exactly what she had needed to hear. "You're wonderful Adam!" Odette felt a release in her body as relief swept over her. She wasn't alone. Out of the death of Julia, and the loss of Eli, something wonderful had happened. She had gained a friend.

And then a though occurred to her that was entirely her own, without any influence of Julia. Perhaps she had been wrong in allowing her sister to make her believe that she had to be the one to heal Eli on her own. Perhaps Adam was the key to helping both of them.


	7. Rag and Bone

Author's Note: So last chapter we learned that Odette suffers from schizophrenia. I want to take just a little time to address her condition, something I will also do with Kingston and Alice when their time comes.

Schizophrenia is a genetic disorder that usually manifests in teen years or young adulthood. It is usually triggered by an emotional event. Schizophrenic patients exhibit strongly held beliefs that are not based in reality, auditory and visual hallucinations, social isolation, anxiety disorder, and others. Some patients may have extended hospital stays for their safety, while others receive antipsychotic medication and therapy. The most important part of treatment for a schizophrenic is to have the support of their friends and family, which is the part of the condition I am going to focus on with Odette. Though my character is fictional, schizophrenia is 100% real. I would encourage you if you are interested to do further research. We can only be accepting and supportive of others through education.

And now, Kingston is back with a lighter chapter...and although the IcyHot has worn off, he can never stay out of trouble for long. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

><p>Rag and Bone<p>

Kingston considered it an honor that someone would ask for his help, and no matter the task, his superiority complex forced him to say yes. For the first time in his life, he saw a severe need to readjust his principles.

He felt his body lurch forward, his seatbelt both saving his life and threatening to slice him in half. He hardly had time to think about the way his stomach dropped before he felt something slam into the back of his head, and he knew a concussion was imminent.

"Dave! Are you trying to kill us?"

"You should have mentioned the stick shift!"

"You should have mentioned that this is the first time you've ever tried to drive!"

"Dude! I thought that was implied under 'can you give me driving lessons?'"

Kingston sighed, glad that he had chosen the school parking lot to teach his friend instead of an actual road. "Let's just try driving in reverse."

"Sure bro!" Dave turned around to check behind him.

"Alright now gently put your foot down on the..."

"Got it!" Dave's foot slammed through to the floor, and instead of moving backward, sent the van hurtling forward

"YOU HAVE TO SHIFT FIRST!"

Dave turned around, still in shock, keeping his foot on the accelerator the whole time. "AAH! SHIT DUDE!"

"BRAKE! BRAKE!" They were getting closer to the impenetrable brick walls of their highschool with every second. Kingston didn't care if he flew through the windshield of his van so long as Dave stopped the metal death trap from colliding with a building.

"WHICH ONE IS IT?" Dave's sympathetic nervous system apparently did not understand that he should at least try one of the other pedals. Somehow, as Kingston's life flashed before his eyes, he scolded himself for thinking of anatomy in such dire circumstances.

At the last second Kingston managed to grab ahold of the steering wheel and turn it, narrowly avoiding the brick wall, and sending them straight into the Degrassi announcement sign. They were still screaming long after the van had stopped moving, the airbags exploding in their faces.

They locked eyes for a brief moment before jumping out of the vehicle to survey the damage.

"My car!" Kingston squeaked weakly.

Dave let out a tiny laugh of hysterics "Oh man! Look at what we did to the sign!"

"Look at what you did to my car!"

Smoke poured out of the hood. The entire front end was crushed like the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk had mistaken it for a Hotwheels and felt the need to play destruction derby with it.

"Maybe it's not as bad as it looks." Dave opened the hood of the van, the smoke sending him into a spasm of coughs. "No. No. It's definitely as bad as it looks."

Kingston sunk to his knees. "What am I gonna do?"

"Ask your parents for an advance?"

"You obviously don't know my parents."

"Hmmm..." Dave sat down beside him, clapping him on the back. "You could sell all the crap in the back of your van."

"You really wanna buy my Christmas tree?"

"Yeah, dude why is that even in there?"

"I might need it some day!"

Dave looked at him incredulously "For what?"

"Um...when I want to go camping...in my van?"

"Yeah nobody is gonna buy this shit."

Kingston shrugged. "We could get jobs..."

"Little Miss Steaks is hiring." Dave piped up cheerily

"I'm a vegetarian!"

"You don't have to eat it!"

"It just seems...hypocritical."

"Well, you could always just walk to school."

Kingston groaned "Fine. I'll go apply."

The scent of meat made Kingston's nose burn. It made him imagine the way hell would smell, made it feel like he was sinning to even enter the establishment. As pulled the door open, he imagined the sound of pigs screaming. It went against everything he stood for. But he couldn't afford not to have his van.

"Welcome to Little Miss Steaks...oh hey Kingston!" The redhead hostess turned around, and Kingston felt his shame sink deeper as he came face to face with Holly J. The only thing worse for Kingston than having to beg, was having to beg from someone he knew. His capable, cocky, rule-the-world facade would be shattered as soon as he opened his mouth.

"I saw that you were hiring...and um..." He hated being out of control It made him feel like a useless idiot.

"I doubt you'd want it. It's a busboy job."

"No! I want it." She looked at him surprised. "I...I need it."

"OK. Don't make me regret this. You got the job."

A towel collided with Kingston's face, obstructing his view. It smelled like meat juice and made him want to puke. And yet, somehow, it was the best smell in the world to him at that moment.

Kingston pulled a cowboy hat off of the nearest waiter and placed it on his own head. He tipped the front of it towards her, and smiled. "I'll get right to it ma'am."

She pulled the hat off his head and returned it to the waiter, all the while attempting to hide her smile. "Don't screw this up."

"Holly J!" One of the waitresses came running up to her. "Someone broke one of the toilet seats in the womens' restroom!"

"How is that even possible?"

"I have an extra one in my van!" Kingston offered. Dave was right. He really did need to clean that thing out...

She shook her head "Then go get it."

"Yes ma'am."

"You are some piece of work Kingston."

He turned around to look at her one last time before he left on his errand. He had shown his weakness and she had still given him a chance. Holly J was unlike any other girl he had ever met. And he knew he was falling for her.

_Well, have they got something shiny for me?_

_Anybody got a Christmas tree?_

_Can you part with a toilet seat?_

_A jump up, a jump up, a jump up, come on and give it to me_


	8. Blue Orchid

Author's Note: So terribly sorry for the delay on this. Alice's chapters are always a bit harder for me to write both because they hit close to home, and because it is very important to me as an author to portray all my characters as realistically as possible through their internal struggles, something Alice seems to have more of in this chapter. Please let me know what you think.

I'd also like to take this time to thank my two wonderful consistent reviewers. I write for myself, but I continue to post it online because of people like you. You two are more helpful and reassuring than you could ever know. Thank you for keeping me inspired.

* * *

><p>Blue Orchid<p>

Perhaps it had been because she had one of those crazy parents that put headphones up to their pregnant stomach to let the baby listen. Or maybe it was genetic, the way the father that had walked out on her when she was twelve had been able to play the drums in some hotshot rock band that toured across the country. But whatever the reason, from her first piano lesson at age six, Alice had always loved music.

When Eminem rapped about killing his wife, they didn't commit him to an institution. They praised him and called it art, blasting it over the loudspeakers at school dances and basketball games across the country. When the Beatles took illegal drugs and wrote a song, nobody arrested them. They called it a masterpiece and turned it into a Cirque du Solei Las Vegas show.

Music had this giant invisible shield of freedom greater than the first amendment to the United States Constitution. It was free speech without judgement. The ability to say anything, act in any way as long as it had a melody behind it. And if anyone questioned its underlying meaning, it was just a song, she was just singing along, and it didn't mean anything.

But to Alice, it did mean something. It meant everything. She never sang a lyric that didn't coordinate to exactly how she was feeling. It was a chance to scream, to thrash about, to cry, all in the ruse of just being a performance. Music was her therapy, her way to let it all out. The dangerous part was when someone started to figure it out.

Sav sat next to her in the music room, tuning his guitar. "So, you'll let me arrange the music for your song, but you still won't tell me why you chose it?" He teased.

"You haven't told me why you picked yours yet." Alice deflected.

"That's because I've spent so much time helping you with yours that I haven't picked one yet." He nudged her gently with his shoulder. "C'mon! Out with it already!"

"Its personal."

"Of course it is. That's the assignment."

"Yes, but giving a reason why it's personal isn't part of the assignment."

He frowned, reaching for her hand. "Well, whomever you're singing to, whomever you are telling to leave you alone, the emotion is incredible. You're going to give a beautiful performance."

"Well, it wouldn't be nearly as effective without your arrangement." Alice really did appreciate everything he and his sister Ali did for her, but she still couldn't bring herself to tell the truth. She couldn't correct him.

She wasn't singing to someone, telling them to leave her. She was singing at how she felt the world around her reacted to her presence. The way she went through life every day scared of being rejected. Absolutely terrified that once people knew the truth they would want her gone. She was just wasting time until someone pointed out the obvious: she didn't belong.

"We do make a great team, don't we." He mused.

"Yeah. I guess we do."

"Would you maybe want to extend that beyond our musical collaborations?"

She squinted up at him from underneath her heavy blonde bangs. "What do you mean?"

"What are you doing for dinner tonight?"

"Probably more Chinese takeout. The insurance claim still hasn't come in on the kitchen so we can't cook."

"Well...would you rather have dinner...with me?"

"Oh!" Her blue eyes widened in understanding. He was asking her out on a date."Sav...umm..."

He loved music the way she did. He was funny. He liked her even though he knew she was hiding something, even though she could be too sarcastic, even when she was being stubborn. He helped her when he didn't have to. She knew she was taking a risk. But she believed all the best things are worth a little work.

"I'd love to. Let me just go call my mom so she knows she's on her own for tonight."

"Sure."

She slipped outside of the music room and just down the hall far enough for Sav not to overhear her. For someone who had always played the dating game a little too well, she knew never to let them know exactly what she was thinking too early.

"Mom, guess what? Sav asked me out!" She squealed bouncing up and down on her high heels.

Her mother was silent for a long minute. "Did you turn him down?"

"Why the hell would I do that?" Alice snapped immediately, her good mood completely gone in an instant.

"You need to be thinking about your court case. Do you really think a judge will be sympathetic to you when John starts calling you some slut who took advantage of him if you've already got another boyfriend? Alice, its like you don't even think anymore!"

"Don't say his name!" She hissed into the phone. Unable to control her fear as it manifested into anger, Alice punched the wall next to her, wishing it was her mother's face.

The way her mother scolded her, it was like she thought her daughter really was guilty. The way she said the word 'slut' it was like she believed Alice to throw herself upon every man who gave her a second glance. At this time more than any other, all Alice wanted was her mother's love. And instead they shot angry passive aggressive bullets at each other at every opportunity.

Her mother couldn't possibly understand. She needed Sav to be there for her because nobody else would be. She needed this date so she could stop feeling so alone.

"If you screw this up now Alice, that boy will never receive the justice he deserves."

"It's just one date!"

"You're in this whole mess because of just one mistake. You need to start realizing the gravity of your actions!"

"I already told him I would go!"

"So cancel. Explain the situation to him. I'm sure he'll understand."

"NO!" Her voice echoed down the empty hallways. Alice was fortunate that her little scene was occurring after school hours after almost everyone had left. "I'm going. I'll see you tonight after my date."

She snapped her phone shut, knowing that such an attitude would have gotten her smacked across the mouth had she been face to face with her mother. A choked sob escaped her mouth as she shut her eyes in an attempt to block the tears from forming.

Alice knew she was in the wrong. This date was a horrible idea in terms of her impending court appearance. But she had wanted to be cared about so badly that she had agreed to it anyway. She liked Sav more than she had any other boy, even though the timing could not have been worse. She was too stubborn to cancel and much too mad at her mother to give her the satisfaction of being right.

Alice also knew her mother was correct about her improper judgement. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. But in that hallway, at that time, Alice was convinced that the best way to solve this was to go on the date anyway, and then destroy it on purpose.

She stomped her heels along the hallways viciously, imagining it left dents in the flooring as she walked. She attempted a smile as she strode back into the music room, though if she had looked at her reflection in a mirror, she would have known that her expression would have frightened small children.

"My mom said I could go."

"Great! Where do you want to eat?"

Alice swallowed deeply, hating that she would have to hurt him."Little Miss Steaks is having a pig roast tonight. That sounds delicious!"

"Um...Muslims can't eat pork."

"Oh! I thought that was beef!" The blonde hair allowed her to play the stupid card more frequently than others.

"So you thought it was a good idea to go to a restaurant with the word 'Steak' in the title? What did you think steaks were made of?" She knew he was teasing her. But after years of experience with her mother, she could turn even the most good natured of comments into a fight.

"Well Sav maybe we shouldn't go to dinner after all!"

"No that's not what I meant! It's just that, you know Holly J works there right?"

"Your ex? I knew you weren't over her!"

"Alice, what are you talking about?"

It really was awful how well she had gotten at picking fights. Alice started yelling and just didn't stop. It was like her brain had found an autopilot for insults. She was yelling at him for things he hadn't even done. Actually, had she been able to hear herself, she was yelling at him for things John had done. Everything she had ever wanted to say to him was being poured out right there in the music room at the wrong person. Not that Sav could understand, because she refused to tell him. Once again, she dug herself into another unnecessary hole.

She knocked over an entire drum kit before storming out of the room. He didn't call her that weekend. He wouldn't talk to her the entire car ride to school. He wouldn't sit next to her in music class. But he was the first person to raise his hand to share his song assignment. And he looked right at her the whole time he sang. The anger stung in his voice as tears streamed down her face.

_You got a reaction_

_You got a reaction, didn't you?_

_You took a white orchid_

_You took a white orchid turned it blue._

_Something better than nothing_

_Something better than nothing, it's giving up._

_We all need to do something_

_Try to keep the truth from showing up!_

_How dare you!_

_How old are you now, anyway?_

_How dare you!_

_How old are you now, anyway?_


	9. When I Hear My Name

Author's Note: Part of me is really scared to watch the new season of Degrassi, as I don't want it to affect how I am choosing to write this story. But, of course, the other half of me just isn't willing to wait to watch them all until this is finished.

Also, I wanted to note that I have since put up character profiles for Kingston, Alice, and Odette on my profile! They're mostly ambiguous, as I didn't want to reveal any story spoilers, but in case you were curious what they looked like, or what other type of crap Kingston keeps in his van.

And now, Odette's most dramatic chapter yet!

* * *

><p>When I Hear My Name<p>

They stayed silent as she switched the lights off, waiting for their eyes to adjust to the darkness. The faint imprint of the light continued to burn in her retinas, leaving spots across her vision every time she blinked. It reminded Odette of the one and only time she had ever convinced Eli to go to church with her.

They had taken the younger teens into the activity room, engulfed them in darkness and asked them to avoid various pieces of furniture as they made their way from one end of the room to the other. Julia had swore that was the first time she and Eli had kissed. Odette had tripped over a table and broken three of her toes.

They told them walking in the darkness was like going through life without God. God was light. God helped you see. And like a light switch, it was easy to turn on the light and turn to God.

Odette thought of it differently. If you waited in the dark long enough, you'd notice it wasn't really as impossible to see as you had thought it was. There was still light there. Odette thought that even in a life where you didn't turn to God, he was still there. So she knew he was still watching Eli, even when he didn't want him.

And out of the complete darkness, soon you would be able to make out shapes. God created through his light something out of nothing. Through her art, the ability to make something out of nothing, she felt closer to God.

His face finally came into view.

"Can you see?"

He nodded "Yeah."

"OK. Press the white button. The square one over here."

The light hit the bottom of their chins as they leaned forward to way the shadows played with his features, Odette couldn't help but think Adam looked more...manly. The light hit the tiny square frame perfectly, broadcasting its image onto the photo paper. He had taken the picture of the two of them this morning, fresh after another Saturday morning group therapy session. She wasn't sure why he continued to show up, but she was too grateful to question it.

The light turned off automatically, leaving their eyes again shocked by the sudden darkness.

"Now it goes in the fluid. Over here." She guided his hand to the shallow bin, knowing where it was out of habit.

"Sure."

Odette almost loved developing pictures more than taking them. By choosing to use an old film camera, she never had any idea what the images would look like until she took them into the dark room. It was a wonderful mystery, the way she rediscovered each moment over again. Never before had she been able to convince anyone to do it with her. Julia would hand her sister rolls and rolls of film to be developed for her. Eli had tried once, but with his impatience he kept forgetting not to open the door in the middle of an exposure. Odette couldn't understand Adam's motivation behind doing the things he did for her. But she liked having someone that she could actually help, unlike Julia and Eli, who always resisted.

"It should be good now." She flipped the lights back on.

"It's awful." He screwed his face up in disappointment.

She took the picture from his hands and studied it carefully. He had used a slower shutter speed, causing the image to blur slightly when he had moved it. But the way he had caught the light, it came in individual streams through their hair. It was like they had been moving a thousand miles an hour, and been caught mid-motion.

"It's unconventional. We're like...fast angels."

"Really?"

She put the photo back in his hands. "It's lovely."

"You have the most unique way of looking at things Odette."

"I think Julia is part of it. Having two people thinking inside your brain forces you to analyze things more." She sat down on the chair at her worktable. He knew so much about her, yet she knew so little of him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"How did you pick the name Adam?"

He looked down at her curiously. "You know no one has ever asked me that."

"So is there not a reason?"

"No there is." He sat down on the floor, staring at the picture of the two of them. "The way I see it, the most masculine name in this world is the one God chose to give to the first man."

"It's ironic."

"What is?"

"Well, don't take this the wrong way, but God then made Eve, out of Adam's rib bone. So really, it would seem that Adam was part female in order to create a female. So really, the world's first man began as a transgender."

Adam blinked once. And then burst into hysterical, mischievous laughter."Do you know how sacrilegious that sounds?"

"It has logical possibility!"

"Yeah. Sure. Go take that one to the pope."

"Yes, because when I also mention communication with dead people, its a high possibility they just may resurrect the practice of burning at the stake."

"Resurrect? Seriously Odette? Religious puns now too?"

"That one was on accident!"

The way Odette and Adam acted, it was like being thirteen again and being best friends with Eli before he liked girls. They loved their conspiracy theories and their pranks and their threats of violence. She missed the days when they could enjoy themselves without a need for anything more than friendship.

But the second he left her alone in the dark room to go home for dinner, she felt her sister creep back into her mind again.

_Since you can't have Eli, Adam would make a good substitute._

_He's not a substitute, Julia. He's all the good parts of Eli before you got to him. _

_That's where you're kidding yourself. You can't turn Eli back into the person he was before he met me. You're in love with a memory of Eli, not who he is now. You need to give that up and move on. That's why you need to pick Adam. _

Odette shut the lights off, hoping to drown her sister out. But blinded and distracted, she caught her hip on her desk, tripping her and sending her papercutter onto the floor. The door opened behind her, but she was still to stunned to look.

Someone picked her up gingerly, and kissed her on the forehead. She wasn't sure if she couldn't see because it was still too dark, or because she had closed her eyes. But the lips kissed her again on the nose, and then on the lips.

His lips were soft and strong and they sent shivers down her spine with every contact. Her heart stopped a beat when she felt his tongue for the first time. She couldn't figure out just how to breathe, leaving a dull ache in her chest. It was the best, wettest, sexiest kiss she had ever had.

His name was on the tip of her tongue, as she realized her sister was right. This time, she wasn't trying to hurt her at all. Her own mind had been too afraid to admit it, so it had sent the message to her through Julia. She was falling for Adam. And he was kissing her! But before she could whisper anything to him, a different voice spoke.

"Julia."

Odette's eyes snapped open as she pulled out of the kiss and slapped the lightswitch on, coming face to face...with Eli.

_When I hear my name I want to disappear _

_When I hear my name I want to disappear _

_Oh oh oh oh_

_When I see my face I want to disappear_

_When I see my face I want to disappear_

_Oh oh oh oh_


	10. Conquest

Author's Note: I'm back! Originally with the airing of the new season and college being back in session, I felt like I had missed the opportunity to finish this story. But last week I went back through and read it again, and realized how much I liked it, and that I couldn't leave it unfinished.

And what better way to get back in the swing of things than with a serious bombshell!

* * *

><p>Conquest<p>

_And then in the same way things happen_

_There roles were reversed from that day_

_The hunted became the huntress_

_The hunter became the prey_

"You ready for this?" Kingston dangled his keys victoriously.

"You dragged me all the way here just to show me that your crappy van works again?"

"Not entirely. Stand over there." He pointed to the curb.

Kingston then pulled a floppy black object out of the back of his van, laying it down on the ground a few feet in front of his vehicle.

"Is this going to take long? Because I do have dialysis in half an hour."

He found Holly J impatience adorable. For a bonus, her irritability meant she was actually paying attention to what he had to say. "I'm making a grand gesture."

He jumped into the car, put the key in the ignition, and floored the van, running over the object in the street. For emphasis, he reversed, running over it again.

She stood there confused the whole time, her mindset in the particular breed of anger that surfaced when she didn't understand something.

Kingston exited his van, and presented her with the flattened victim of his road rage. Once in her hands, she recognized it as his Little Miss Steaks hat.

"Holly J, I'm handing you my official resignation."

She stared blankly at him for just a moment, before slapping him over the head with his hat. "Seriously?" _-slap_- "After I stuck my neck out for you?" _-slap- "_Is this some type of joke Kingston? Because you're really not as funny as you think you are!" _-slap-_

Kingston cautiously moved his hands down from around his head. "Are you done now?"

_-slap-_

She crossed her arms petulantly. "Now I am."

"Good." He gently pried the cowboy hat out of her hands, making a mental note to never again arm her with anything that could potentially be used as a weapon. "Now that I am no longer an employee of PETA's public enemy number one, I am no longer required to follow a certain employee handbook which has stupid rules like being unable to wear white socks or asking out your boss."

He looked at her seriously, getting down on one knee. "Now, I've never done this before, and I don't intend to ever sink to quite this level of sappy romantics ever again, so I'm only going to ask this once. Holly J, would you please go on a date with me?"

"You quit your job without even knowing if I'd say yes?"

"Well, to be honest, if you say no, I'm going to go buy a new hat and pretend none of this ever happened."

She smiled at him teasingly. "So, if you just quit your job, and you spent all your earnings getting your truck repaired, how are you going to pay for this date?"

Kingston jumped up, putting his arm around Holly J as he led her towards his van. "I'm planning on selling one of my kidneys on eBay."

"Ha Ha!" She proclaimed sarcastically, jumping into his passenger seat. "Now get me to dialysis before I actually have to take you up on that kidney."

He paused before closing her door for her. "So that's a yes then? Can I take you out tonight?"

She thought for a moment before responding."Yeah. It's a yes."

"Awesome." Without giving her time to protest, Kingston kissed her full on the lips.

As he walked around to the drivers side he heard her yell through the glass irritatedly. "Don't make me change my mind."

He chuckled, still pleased with his boldness. "Sorry, I've already abducted you in my stalker van! No escape now!"

Though she refused to speak to him the entire way to the hospital, he smirked every time she dared a glance at him. _Oh yeah. She wants me. _

As much as he didn't want to be, Kingston was forced to be the one to break the silence. "I don't see any open parking spots."

She sighed. "Just park in the handicapped spot. My mom does it all the time. They never ticket here."

"You should limp on the way in anyway, just to make it look convincing. I'll support you."

"Nice try, but no. You broke the physical contact privilege back in the parking lot."

"No second chances?" He asked as he followed her inside.

"You'd just abuse it."

It was true, the whole time to the dialysis center Kingston had to keep his hands in his pockets to prevent himself from grabbing her butt. The old him would have found no hesitation. But Holly J had cast some spell of decency and chivalry over him. He wasn't sure he liked _it_. But he was sure he liked _her_.

"So how long does this usually take?"

"A few hours."

"So...can I sleep?"He could tell she wanted to protest. But as much as he liked Holly J, he couldn't resist irritating her just slightly. It was too much fun, and he loved the way her face looked when she flushed.

"Fine."

He winked before pretending to snore loudly, waking up the elderly patient on the other side of the room. But soon, his fake snores turned into real ones.

He dreamed of heroically cutting out his own kidney for Holly J, and performing emergency surgery using chopsticks and electrical tape in the back of his van.

"My van!" Kingston's eyes snapped open. "I should go move it. Some legal spaces should have opened up by now."

"No need. I'm all finished." Holly J smiled at him from the adjacent chair. "You talk in your sleep by the way. Now before I take back my decision to go out with you, you had better explain what precisely were you inserting into me."

"I was performing surgery...wait, I slept for _four_ hours?"

"Yeah...Kingston, wait!"

He tore out of the facility and towards the parking lot. From his less than exemplary past, Kingston knew that the longer you did something illegal, the greater the statistical probability of getting caught.

He made it there in time to watch the tow truck turn out of the lot with his van trailing behind.

"My van!"

"Kingston!" Holly J, finally caught up to him, grabbed his hand in consolation. "I'm so sorry! I swear they never ticket here!"

He ripped his hand out of hers, his blood rushing to his face. "Look at what you did to my van! After I spent all that money fixing it! After I lowered myself enough to take orders from you and touch old meat!"

"I'm sorry! I'll loan you the money to get it back."

"I don't take charity!"

"Then keep your job at Little Miss Steaks! I'll have my mom drive you from your house to school until you earn the money back!"

"You can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because that van IS my house!" And then Kingston did something he swore he would never do, not that it mattered, because he had already lost all of his dignity. He ran away, as fast as he could, blinking tears out of his eyes the entire time.

He had ignored all the warnings. He had opened up for her, taken a chance. He had let her take the upper hand, for once had let someone else call the shots, and he had lost it all. But above all, the thing that dug at him the most was that he hated how much he couldn't hate her.


End file.
